Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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