if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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