Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
