People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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