guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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