at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Did I show you my penis last night?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30