Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.