What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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