OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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