hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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