glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
