final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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