When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
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Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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