Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
