Fine. I'll sleep in my office
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
