respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
