Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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