btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
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I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
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My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.