i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
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Are we still banned from the library?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?