Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..