im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
