I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober