a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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