My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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