No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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