That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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