i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
