Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
