Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
