Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
