I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
