When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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