the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
