If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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