If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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