I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
