Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
