WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
