Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
