I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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