I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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