no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
