she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my being single is dangerous.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
