Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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