a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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