I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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