i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
