Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
