Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
