She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
