is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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