I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
