At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize