How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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