The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
