4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
