at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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