Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
