is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You're a waste of cheezeits
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
