You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
sarcasm needs its own font
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
